


Almost Unbearable

by Amberly



Series: Just Like Heaven [3]
Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: M/M, Pre-Slash, Unrequited Love, or so he thinks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:27:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26835934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amberly/pseuds/Amberly
Summary: But going out gives him an excuse to get up. To head to his room, and he does. Lets the door softly snick shut behind him as he leans back against it. Closes his eyes and tries to do anything but let himself feel. As if he could breathe-in-breathe-out the way Duo lights him up. As if he could quiet the hurricane this man has made of his heart.
Relationships: Chang Wufei/Duo Maxwell
Series: Just Like Heaven [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/405643
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10





	Almost Unbearable

**Author's Note:**

> This is a Companion Piece to “The World is Going Dim In My Gaze,” except it’s happens a lot sooner. Neither of them are exactly reliable narrators and they both have their own issues, but I see Wufei as much less likely to fight what he’s feeling. 
> 
> Many thanks to those who are still reading and who have commented <3\. Sharing parts of this can be very hard for me sometimes, and I appreciate the support. Y’all are great

It wasn’t that it was fast. It was that it was slow. That it crept up on him, sweeping him off of his feet and over a cliff he didn’t even know he was standing on.    
  
Wufei realizes it in a rush on a Sunday morning. Duo is in the kitchen. He’s washing the dishes, singing offkey to some song on the radio. And it’s not that Duo can’t sing, he can, it’s that he isn’t. It’s that Duo is standing at the kitchen sink on a Sunday morning with his hair a mess and stubble on his jaw, wearing ratty sweatpants and washing the dishes and singing Betty Everett offkey and with as much enthusiasm as he can muster The picture of it hits Wufei square in the chest and wraps its fingers around his heart and what’s worse. What’s worse is that Wufei realizes in that moment that the fingers have been there for a long time, without him even knowing.    
  
Wufei has no idea how long he’s been in love with Duo. He has even less idea what to do with this information. Takes his glasses off his face and folds them. They’re tucked into his pocket and he squeezes the bridge of his nose. The new but not new feelings overwhelm him for a moment. He is silent and still, eyes shut. Lets it sink in. Duo hits a particularly bad note and Wufei smiles despite himself. Unconsciously and without realizing it. Heat floods him. He shakes his head and lets out a sigh. There is nothing to do with this information. There is no action he plans on taking.    
  
“Hey,” Duo calls out. “You wanna go by that bookstore?”    
  
“Sure,” Wufei agrees readily. He’s sure Duo can hear the difference in his voice. He’s sure that Duo can tell, that what he feels is so obvious there’s no way Duo could miss it. But Duo just goes back to the dishes. Continues washing with no thought to what a mess Wufei is. But going out gives him an excuse to get up. To head to his room, and he does. Lets the door softly snick shut behind him as he leans back against it. Closes his eyes and tries to do anything but let himself feel. As if he could breathe-in-breathe-out the way Duo lights him up. As if he could quiet the hurricane this man has made of his heart. 

Now that he’s thought it--now that he knows--he can’t unknow. It goes with him as he takes off his pajamas. It goes with him as he steps under the shower spray. What Wufei knows is this: he is in love with his best friend. His roommate. His sometimes-mission-partner. He is in love with the way Duo grumbles on his way to the coffee pot in the morning and the way Duo is so easy with his affection and the way Duo cares, so deeply, about being a good friend. Wufei washes his hair and is in love with the crinkles at the corner of Duo’s eyes. He rinses it and is in love with the way he sprawls out in his lap, sometimes, when they watch TV. He works conditioner in thinking of the way Duo will laugh as Wufei sets his book on his face.    
  
He showers and lets himself drown. Remembers a thousand little moments and a thousand big moments and sorts through them like pieces of a puzzle. As if he could piece together the how. As if there is something, somewhere, that he can look to and say “This. This is what made me feel this way.” He finds nothing but a slow assembly of a big picture. Nothing but a thousand and one pieces coming together in just the right way by surprise, as if someone had shaken the box and tossed the pieces into the air. Watched them somehow, inexplicably, come together perfectly as they settled on the ground.    
  
Wufei steps out of the shower and wraps his towel around himself. Lets out a long, slow breath and tells himself that this is not a problem to be solved. It’s a feeling. The thought does little to soothe him and he lets out a short, choked laugh as he stands there, still dripping, in front of his mirror. This, he reminds himself, is his. His alone, and as he dries himself he starts to gather the wayward pieces of his heart and settles them back into his chest. It’s not a problem to be solved, and Wufei doesn’t have to do anything with this knowledge. He can carry it,the way he carries everything else.    
  
He dresses and brushes back his hair. Pulls it into a loose ponytail and takes a seat at the edge of his bed to put on his shoes. Finds himself leaning forward. Finds himself resting his elbows on his knees and putting his head in his hands and feeling hopeless and helpless all at once. Falling in love with Duo feels inevitable. It feels as natural as breathing, after all they’ve been through. The war, the missions gone sideways, the panic and the fury that follows. Wufei swallows. Duo, he thinks, is easy to love. Especially when set up against Wufei and all of his prickles, and Wufei knows that this is why he will keep his mouth shut.    
  
There is nothing he can offer Duo. He is full of thorns. He wounds too easily, and Duo is--softer than anyone else gives him credit for. Deflates like a balloon when he meets sharp objects, and Wufei can’t be another sharp object in his life. Will not allow himself to be in a position where Duo could get caught on his edges, the sharp blade of his intensity. It’s enough that they’re friends. It’s enough that Duo sees him and takes all of it in, a complete picture of who Wufei is in all of his complexities. It’s enough that Duo reaches out and reaches out, playful affection and late night laughter gifts Wufei isn’t sure he can ever return. A steadfast, protective loyalty that infuriates him as much as it is, finally, another reason to love him.    
  
Shoes on, Wufei opens the door to his bedroom. He is greeted by Duo’s grin and Duo’s hands on his coat. Duo already bundled up against the cold and sparkling in his excitement. Wufei takes the coat and slides it on. Buttons it with steady fingers and can’t help but smile, a small, quiet smile. One he knows is Duo’s favorite. One he knows is Duo’s favorite because Duo has told him it is. For a moment he is overwhelmed. For a moment he feels so much love he feels like it will spill out of him, stain the floor. Flood the room and drown them all. He clears his throat.   
  
“You’re eager.”    
  
“They put out new inventory on Sundays. I thought if we hurried we could get first pick, for once.” Duo rolls his weight to the balls of his feet and bounces there, watching as Wufei finishes with his coat. And then they are moving, Duo’s hand on Wufei’s wrist as they head to the door, and Wufei is resigned, finally. As in all things, he is swept up in Duo. Duo at his side, chattering as they hit the busy city street. Duo, nudging him with his elbow as he makes some joke about work. Duo, and the way he’s excited, even, for Wufei, laughing at his dry sarcasm. This will be nothing new, and as they head out of the apartment he sends a prayer to whatever is out there, listening, that what he feels never becomes so unbearable that he has to let this go. 


End file.
